Itachi's whim
by CrowCake
Summary: Poker Night at the Akatsuki started out as a great idea many, many years ago. It's kind of a mess now, but an entertaining mess at that. Chapter 386 spoilers. Rated for Hidan's mouth.


Poker Night at the Akatsuki started out as a great idea many, many years ago. It would be a night for everyone to kick back, forget about their missions, and just have fun with the people they worked with in a place where you might not live to see them tomorrow.

That was the idea anyway.

Poker Night in reality was just Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara, and Kisame sitting an upturned cardboard box in the kitchen. Itachi would come, too, but after the first three games he was pertinently banned from ever playing again. Using the Sharingan to cheat kind of defeated the purpose.

But that didn't matter much anyway. No one exactly had much money to gamble, so most of it was I. O. U.s in the forms of pebbles or broken glass. The cards were from at least twelve different decks of cards, including a few that were exploding notes with a suit and a number scribbled onto them. Quite a few were ripped or burnt. Still, no one cared much; Poker Night was too good an idea to turn down, and no one was quite ready to let it die just yet.

Tonight the usual gang was seated about, Itachi in his regular seat behind his partner, stoically observing everyone's moves, his eyes glowing their signature red. Sasori was also fumbling about in the kitchen. It was his night to cook dinner, which meant that Konan was probably in the other room ordering pizza over the phone.

Sasori had a tendency of dripping poison if he wasn't careful. No one had risked eating his cooking after one of Kakuzu's old partners had made that mistake a few years back. Still, pizza seemed to be a Poker Night tradition, since Sasori would always make sure it was his turn to cook dinner that night. As much as he hated it, it was his responsibility to make sure to be there so that Deidara didn't blow anything up. If he did, Sasori would be blamed for it.

"Who did the shopping this week?" Sasori asked suddenly.

"Kakuzu, who the fuck do you think?"

"Alright, then tell me what this is then."

Everyone looked over to the thing Sasori had lying still in its packaging on a plate on the counter.

"It's a fish, un."

"Nawww, really Deidara? I didn't notice!"

"Well you asked, Danna!"

"It's a mackerel," Kisame said coolly, barely looking up from his cards.

It _was_ a mackerel, smoked and vacuum-sealed, swimming in some blood and yellowish juices.

"It was on sale," Kakuzu shrugged. "Deidara, it's your turn."

"What am I supposed to do with it?" Sasori asked just as Deidara was about to open his mouth.

"Take it out of the fucking package and cook it, genius! By Jashin, what is this fucking world coming to when a fucking puppet doesn't know what to do with a damn fish?!"

"First off, that doesn't make any sense. Second, if you know how to do it so well, why don't you do the honors?"

"Fuck no! It's your damn turn to make dinner!"

"I don't think you should cook that fish," Kisame interrupted.

"Oh what the fuck do you know, you fucking shark? You probably eat _all_ your damn fish raw!"

"It's a birth defect! And I prefer sushi!"

"Quiet, Kisame," Itachi mumbled just loud enough for his partner to hear.

"The package says the fish is already cooked," Kakuzu added.

Sasori huffed and turned to busy himself with removing the fish from the vacuum seal.

"How come Zetsu never makes dinner, un?

"Just be glad you don't know."

"But I want to know, un!"

"Shut your trap, brat!" Sasori turned around, the fish now on the plate.

"Make me!"

"Holy Jashin! That fish fucking reeks!" Hidan interrupted the argument of the two artists. "How old do you think it is, Kakuzu?!"

Kakuzu smirked. "Older than Itachi, I presume."

"Daaamn! That one old fucking fish! Thirteen years old! That's fucking crazy!"

"I'm nineteen."

"Shut the fuck up. Like you know."

Itachi glared at Hidan.

"Hidan is right, that's too old for a fish,un. Let's blow it up!"

"Don't you dare, Deidara! If this fish really is over thirteen years old—"

"_Nineteen_"

"—over nineteen years old, and preserved like this, then it's art."

"It's not art! It will be art when I blow it up!"

"This fish is eternal. It is art."

"Art is fleeting!"

"It's eternal, brat."

"Art is a _fucking BANG!_, Danna."

"Will the both of you just shut the fuck up, I'm trying to focus! Jashin damnit!"

"If you blow it up in here, it will end up all over the walls," Kisame pointed out.

"I'm not paying anyone to come in here and clean that up!" Kakuzu added.

"Why are you all taking his side, un!?"

"SASORI!!" Pein's angry scream came from out in the hall. "Stop leaving all your freaky dolls all over the floor! I just tripped over one!"

Deidara gave his partner his best I-win smirk.

Sasori quietly walked out of the room, but not before giving Deidara his this-isn't-over-yet-brat sneer.

There was snickering, but that died pretty quickly. Soon, everyone's attention returned back to the game. Except Itachi's.

After a minute or so, he slowly got up, and ignoring the leg that had fallen asleep from sitting on the floor, he walked over to the counter where the fish still rested on the plate. The game had ceased, and everyone was watching Itachi look at the fish with growing interest.

What really caught the Uchiha's attention was the fish's eye. It had once had a pool of blood in it, but now that was all dried up and blackish. Itachi stared at it. The fish stared back. Neither blinked for a full minute.

There are many things Uchiha Itachi simply does not do. One of those things is lose a staring contest, even if it is with a dead fish. Annoyed, Itachi put his pointer finger over the eye of the fish and pushed gently. He removed his finger when he felt something give way.

The room was now completely silent and still.

New blood swam to the surface of the eye, forming kaleidoscope patters with the old black blood. Kisame briefly wondered if that was a smile he'd just seen on his partner's face; it was the tiniest twitch of his mouth, and it had come and gone too quickly to tell.

With a flash of movement, Itachi picked up the fish, walked calmly over to the trash and threw it, plate and all, into the garbage. With all eyes still on him, he wiped his hands on his cloak and returned to his seat.

There was a moment of silence before, "Your turn Kakuzu, un."

As Kakuzu reexamined his cards, Itachi poked Kisame on the shoulder. The blue man turned to see his partner holding something out in his palm.

It was a bloody fish eye.


End file.
